THIS or THAT Episode 4: Out of Love or out of Fear?

This year my theme for the #MyFriendAlexa campaign is “This or That”. Here, I’ll be putting up a day-to-day scenario that mostly all of us face sometime or the other, along with two different ways in which we can react towards those scenarios – either “This” or “That”. So, let’s look at today’s scenario!

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Soham was late to work again. His manager gave him a raised eyebrow while tapping at her watch as Soham swiped his card to enter the premises. He sulked and continued his quick but disheartened pace towards his cubicle. It hadn’t even been an hour into the office, when he realized his team members had messed up a part of an important presentation which was due in an hour. It was the only part Soham hadn’t paid attention to, unlike the remaining 80% of the presentation which he had single-handedly prepared till three in the morning today. He gave the team members an earful before sitting down with them to make the changes quickly. Amidst back to back meetings, Soham managed to steal a little time for submitting his car loan papers and to add to his dismay, the bank personnel he was in contact with wasn’t really helping out much and Soham had to figure out most of the documentation himself.

After a tiring day at work, as he was packing to finally leave for home, he received a call from his wife, requesting to bring back some vegetables and dairy for the following day. Due to the corona virus scare, Soham had strictly instructed all the members of the house to stay indoors and had committed to do all the outside chores in order to keep his elderly parents and wife comparatively safer. Soham was very protective of his family and could swim oceans for them and vice versa.

However, upon reaching home, Soham was exhausted and frustrated with the day he had.

Let’s look at two scenarios that Soham’s house can have:

THIS:

Soham leaves his day’s troubles at the door and reciprocates the excitement his family shows upon his arrival with a huge smile. He freshens up and spends time with everyone. He listens to his parents’ and kids’ day’s activities with the equal amount of excitement that they have. He then discusses his day with his better half and feels some weight lifted off his chest. They all end the day with a round of cards post a happy meal.

They are a happy family and can’t wait to share their day with Soham.

THAT:

Soham carries the burden of his troubles home, and puts up a fake smile to reciprocate the family’s excitement upon his arrival. He stays grumpy and when the family tries to discuss their day with him, he gets all haughty and makes them count the number of chores he had on his hand that day and the numerous troubles he had to go through. He responds to everything with a temper and is easily irritated. Soham feels like a victim and never discusses his troubles with anyone as he feels no one would understand him.

The family gets accustomed to Soham’s behavior and loses interest in sharing their day’s tiny details with him. They start putting things in order only out of fear of not annoying him.

I’ve personally witnessed both these scenarios up close and seen very different results for the both. In one of the two houses, the kids grew up to be a rebel and seeked friendship and peace outside their homes while in the other one, the children were very humble and didn’t even look for friendships outside their family. We as adults need to realize the impact we have on our younger ones. Even when we’re fighting behind closed doors, children are able to sense the tensed aura around and it hampers their emotional growth to a great extent.

So, stop trying to be the perfect parent, or the perfect partner, or the perfect son, just be a happy one and things will automatically fall into place.